On Trumps Hair, Penis, and More

Ever since the news broke in January that Michael Cohen, President Trumps longtime attorney/fixer, paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 for her silence in the final weeks of the 2016 U.S. presidential election, the porn legend has been caught up in a media whirlwind.

Ever since the news broke in January that Michael Cohen, President Trump’s longtime attorney/fixer, paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 for her silence in the final weeks of the 2016 U.S. presidential election, the porn legend has been caught up in a media whirlwind.

Daniels alleges that the president conducted an extramarital affair with her beginning in 2006—mere months after first lady Melania Trump gave birth to their son, Barron; that Cohen paid her off in the remaining weeks of the 2016 campaign in violation of campaign-finance laws; that the NDA she signed as part of the settlement is null and void, since the agreement wasn’t signed by Trump; and that someone acting on behalf of the president threatened her life in a parking lot back in 2011, when she first came forward with the Trump-tryst story to In Touch. She is also presently suing the president for alleged defamation after he called the composite sketch she released of her alleged parking-lot assailant “a total con job” on Twitter.

In the weeks since her 60 Minutes interview in late March, Daniels has been mostly absent from the media spotlight—save an appearance on The View and a surprise cameo on this past weekend’s Saturday Night Live—while her TV-friendly lawyer, Michael Avenatti, has been busy frequenting the cable news networks.

That will change a bit on Tuesday, May 8, when Daniels’ Penthouse cover story hits newsstands (and the internet). The issue, which names her the “Penthouse Pet of the Century,” was teased by The Daily Beast last month, where we exclusively revealed that should Daniels win her case, she plans to donate $130,000 to Planned Parenthood in Trump and Cohen’s names.

Now we’ve gotten a sneak peek at the rest of Daniels’ Penthouse interview. Here are some of the most eye-opening bits.

Odd Strip-Club Requests

Daniels has embarked on a “Make America Horny Again” strip-club tour—she didn’t choose the name—in the months since the payoff story broke, and according to an anecdote she gave to Penthouse, the anti-Trump crowds at her performances have been making some strange requests. At a strip club in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, Daniels recalls coming face-to-face with a huge crowd of gay men clutching bags of Cheetos and offering to pay her $20 to stomp Cheetos into the ground. “Money was exchanged, Cheetos were scattered, and the hardworking porn star turned international news story ground them to orange powder beneath her high-heeled stripper shoes,” read the piece.

“I don’t want to shame anybody...”

— Stormy Daniels

President Trump’s Sex Hair

There has been much ink spilled over Donald Trump’s helmet hairdo over the years—an odd formulation that reminds one of combed cotton candy. When Daniels is asked if Trump’s hair stays still as he has sex, Daniels replies, “No, [his hair is] real. He chose that.” When the interviewer presses, “And it just fluffs around as he’s on top of you?” she replies, “Yeah, that’s real. Kind of like a drunken cockatoo.” How much is the Eternal Sunshine procedure?

President Trump’s Sexual Prowess (and Penis Size)

During one of Trump’s other extramarital affairs—this being with Marla Maples while he was married to Ivana—the New York Post ran an infamous cover story about how Maples boasted to her pals of Trump, “BEST SEX I’VE EVER HAD.” Daniels, who has had quite a bit of experience in this department, strongly disagrees. When asked by the interviewer if it was “good sex,” Daniels replies, “What do you think?” Then, when she’s asked, “And the penis wasn’t big?” Daniels offers, “Yeah.” Further asked to compare his penis size to “his fingers,” Daniels says, “I don’t want to shame anybody,” and leaves it at that.

Sympathy for the Enemy

In one exchange, Daniels says she feels sorry for Michael Cohen, the longtime Trump attorney/fixer she’s currently suing for defamation, expressing sympathy for how inept he appears to be during this process. “I feel bad for Michael Cohen,” she says. “Did you see his lawyer and my lawyer on CNN last night? His lawyer isn’t even licensed in California.”

Jenna Jameson Is Not a Fan

Early on in the Penthouse interview, Daniels recounts how, when she won the Jenna Jameson Crossover Award at AVN in 2008—the adult equivalent of the Oscars—Jameson “Kanye’d” her acceptance speech by announcing her retirement from porn. Later on, the article examines how Jameson has been regularly retweeting conservatives who’ve been harassing Daniels. When asked if she’s jealous of Daniels’ popularity, Jameson responds, “I think she’s good at referencing people that are more famous than her to help her get ahead. I think we all know who the most famous porn star of all time is—Ron Jeremy. Hehehehee.”

Daniels Had a Rough Childhood

A good portion of the Penthouse interview is dedicated to Daniels’ difficult home life growing up. Her father left the family when she was 4, and her mother, Sheila, left the childhood home in a state of disarray and would disappear for days, leaving young Daniels hungry. At one point, Daniels’ mother leaves a voicemail on her machine, calling her an “unfit mother” and saying she hopes her husband takes their child away. “When [the message] ends, Stormy recounts something her husband said of his estranged mother-in-law. After seeing the movie I, Tonya, [husband Glendon Crain] told Stormy that Tonya Harding’s mom, LaVona, reminded him of Sheila. ‘We should put them in an RV and film them driving across country!’ Stormy quips. ‘LaVona and Sheila Do America! Can you imagine? I’d invest in that. We’d all be rich.’”

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